Saturday 13th December 2025

Deck the Halls with Tonto’s Balls - Fa la la la la, la la la la

On the biggest day in the Bandits calendar, the anticipation was mounting as there was still some doubt and slight disbelief that Tonto had got this far on his journey in organising the 2025 Christmas Bandits bash, following a highly successful draw on Wednesday we all thought it was likely to happen, but knowing Tonto, we still weren't sure... What if it rains - will he turn up? Has he got enough laces in his shoes? Will a cow escape from a field in Great Shefford, that requires Mayoral intervention? So we all breathed a massive sigh of relief when the great man turned up and like a well oiled machine the 2025 Christmas Bandits began. Still, it wouldn't be Christmas Bandits if someone didn't drop out on the morning and this year it was sicknote Scotty Boy who had come down with man flu, but that didn't throw Tonto, he hardly mentioned it all day, and as all great leaders are excellent delegators, Ash soon had Glen Schaming lined up to fill the Scott shaped gap.

The pre round warm ups began, coffee, lager, Guinness and Port with a hearty Wrag Breakfast, accompanied by the same dodgy Christmas crackers as previous years, it's good to know that in an ever changing world the quality of the crackers stay constant. There was one other absentee for breakfast as Jim was called into action making the world a safer place the night before and worked to 4am so he ensured he had sufficient sleep which gave him the best chance to win Christmas Bandits, which all top athletes would do - what a pro!

And so it began, the weather was great, our leader for the day, Tonto, tee'd off first and 27 golfers of varying ability were right behind him, which isn't unusual due to the pace he plays 😉 and after 4+ hours of fun we knew who was this years champion, and a new name goes onto the shield as Mark Walker, who I think may be the first Welsh winner, goes to show how diverse and inclusive the Bandits are. Mark scored an impressive 39 points, beating last years winner Bandits President elect Griff by 2 points who pipped Geoff Porritt on countback. The team award went to Ash, Wellery, Stan and Glen (I think they won it if I'm wrong let me know 🫣). The coveted toilet seat for the last placed Bandit went to Jim with 22 points, who I think may be the first Scottish winner which I also think should qualify the Bandits to be nominated for the next FIFA Peace award. A delighted Mark said following his victory "oooh there's lovely int it, I hit the ball well lush today, I was tip top, its been a crackin day and all credit to Tonto, bendigedig". A not so delighted Jim said "Och, I thought I did everything right, plenty of sleep, scotts porridge oats instead of a fry up, a bucket of balls on the range, a plaster on my nose to stop the sun glare and I still end up with the toilet seat, back to the drawing board I guess".

The NTP's had a twist this year as Tonto decreed you must use your driver (or girly 1 iron for Griff) on each of the NTP holes and the winners were Pezza on the 3rd (he nearly holed it!), Glen on the 12th, and Broomer on the 16th.

After the prize giving and his closing speech, Tonto had one final task to complete, the naming of the Bandit who has the privilege of organising Christmas Bandits 2026 and after much deliberation and conversation we saw the soft side of Tonto as he reflected that as Scott had unfortunately been unable to make it this year, he could have the joy of organising, and if that didn't perk Scott up in his sick bed, then I don't know what would.

So Tonto's work was complete, he did a fantastic job and raised the bar, so a massive thank you goes to him and I'm sure Scott will try to emulate that success next year. The majority of us went back to the Saracens where we had a lovely Christmas meal and some more alcoholic refreshments, thanks goes to AJ for that, after which a few headed to the Cellar Bar, where Broomer celebrated Marks victory by singing a song made famous by his fellow countryman, Tom Jones, Delilah, and I can honestly say it brought tears to some of the people watching. What a day, what a night!